Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We had sex on a dog bed..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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