So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
