Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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