a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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