Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
