Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've blown a few things in my day
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
