Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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