K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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