wrigley field is MILF paradise
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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