Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
