i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
