her vagine was all disorganized.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
