Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
