You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
