Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
