put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
