he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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