Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
