I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
