either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my poor anus
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
