Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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