I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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