When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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