If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
