WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
