I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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