I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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