i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
