Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So much rum. So many feels.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
