I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
