the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
