Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Houston, we have a blender
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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