their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
