What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
