I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
