Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
