If that was your dad, he is hot
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
