the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
