I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
