then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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