he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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