Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
