Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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