All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
