Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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