if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
