i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
