I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
