We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
