I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize