tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
