i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
