Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
