I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
