Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
