I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
